


Good Morning Misery

by Storm (Stormyskies97)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 18:02:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14795315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormyskies97/pseuds/Storm
Summary: Wrote this in the wee hours of the morning. I’ve been struggling myself lately and decided to write a little feel good, supportive fic. I used the song Good Morning Misery by Eva Under Fire as a small inspiration. I hope this helps anyone else who is struggling, no matter how hard it feels you are not alon





	Good Morning Misery

I sat on top of the bunker staring up at the sky. I know I’ll be alright, all I want is you and a hug, to tell me it’s all ok and to make me believe it. I glanced at the time on my phone, 3 AM, I’m way up here and it won’t stop. High above the city streets, where only I believe. I am someone, I know I can feel it now, if only you knew you’d be proud if you saw me now.  
I knew the guys were there for me, but I felt so useless most days. I basically blended in with the walls. No one sees me smile, even when I’m being noticed. I’ve seen better days and I know there are better days ahead of me but, I can’t see them. I feel myself sinking deeper into this pit. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on top of them.   
“Hey you.” Sam’s voice brought me out of my trance, I gave him a small smile as he took a seat next to me. “We’ve been looking for you.”   
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how long I’d been out here.” Sam chuckled and pulled me into his side.  
“It’s ok. I thought you needed some alone time.” I let myself fall comfortably against him. “It’s after 3, what are you doing out here?” I could hear the concern in his voice.  
“Just thinking.” He could feel his eyes on me with the way his body shifted. His arm tightened around me just enough to bring tears to my eyes, I used my hoodies sleeve to wipe them away.  
“Did I do something wrong? Did I squeeze you too tight again?” Sam asked loosening his hold, I buried my face in his size and let the tears roll off my cheeks, he held me against him till I had gathered myself.  
“You did nothing wrong. It’s me. I’ve been caught p in my own head letting the negative back in and I just can’t find the strength to fight them off this time around. I’ve been up here every morning at the same time just staring at the sky, sometimes I’m out here till sunrise.” Sam didn’t say anything, only held me closer.  
“What’s been going on?” He asked after a few moments of silence.  
“I don’t know. I just feel myself slipping back into the darkness. It’s like there’s two sides of me, one that is proud that I haven’t relapsed or slipped completely back into the darkness, and the other side of me who wants me to slip back into the darkness, who wants me to give up. I know it has a lot to do with missing certain loved ones and knowing that if they were here they’d know just the right thing to say and do to help me but, I just have a hard time finding those words right now.” Sam rested gave me a small squeeze and kissed the top of my head.”   
“There’s nothing wrong with you having these thoughts. I can promise that you’re not the only who has these feelings. I’ve never told Dean or anyone this but, there’s a lot that I blame myself for and that I can’t forgive myself for. There’s a lot that I wish I could take back and change, but I know they’ve made me stronger and smarter whether I want to admit that or not. One of the biggest things is Charlie’s death and losing our mother again. I know Dean blamed me for Charlie’s death and he had every right too, but that’s one that I haven’t been able to forgive myself for yet. She was family and I put her in a terrible position to help Dean and she got killed for it. Our mother is in another universe with Jack and I always reply that night with different scenarios each time like, maybe if I’d shot Lucifer, or fought him myself maybe her and Jack would still be here in this universe.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. “You can feel like you’re slipping back into the familiar darkness even when you have people here to help you, I know it can be hard to talk to us about it but, trust me when I say that Dean and I have been beat down so many times that that feeling isn’t new to either of us and we’re here for you, all you gotta do is talk to us. You’re not invisible and we care about how you’re feelings and want you to be happy and safe. We love you.”   
“Well put Sammy, I couldn’t say it better myself.” Dean said climbing up with a blanket under his arm. “I didn’t hear everything he said, only that we’re here for you to talk to, we may not understand every situation but we can listen and offer some advice. We love you kiddo, we’re family and we’re always gonna be here for you.” He sat on my other side and draped the blanket over all of us as the sun began to peak over the horizon. I knew everything was gonna be ok, whether it felt like it at the time. I had people who love and care about me enough to sit on the rooftop with me and my misery as the first light of morning began to show. No matter how bad I felt about myself I had people who gave a damn whether I slipped into the darkness or not, I knew I’d be ok as long as I have them, I knew I’d be ok as long as I have them


End file.
